the black bored

Things I do, don’t do, hate to do and wish I could do in an elevator.

Concept Shruti Ranavade | Shot Prince Arya | Edit Abhishek Magaji

When I get in the lift….. sometimes I am forced to forget everything and be selfish

I HATE to hold the lift.

I hold the lift for my neighbour who in turn doesn’t get in immediately and holds the lift for his/her neighbour. And the cycle goes on. It makes me really late in the morning. I act really slow whenever I hear a desperate plea to hold the lift from someone outside. Timing is everything over here. Every millisecond matters. And I just take my own time to act.

I WISH I could stop pretending to ‘love thy neighbour’.

and move on with my day faster. Anyway now with this Coronavirus pandemic it is ever more important to maintain social distance. I guess it might just become a reality for everyone. And all of us will act reasonable and not make such unneccesary demands such as holding the lift or have such expectations. *Fingers crossed*.

I DO look at my screen and talk on the phone while I enter a lift which is not empty.

This is such a lame trick TBH. You think it works because people buy it? No ways! Everyone knows you are just trying to avoid small talk and they are kind enough to not disturb you. Well, I just pretend to talk and read an imaginary message from a real person(How I wish this person had texted me for real). *Sigh* It has come to this since I don’t really have any real friends owing to my careful avoidance of most social situations. But who cares when you have a solution. Ha!

I HATE sharing lift with kids on their bicycles.

In the evening and sometimes even in the morning, some pesky kid enters with his/her huge bicycle that clearly refuses to fit in that lift, which I thought a second before the kid entered was big enough to try my calisthenics in. But I am forced to adjust. What you saying? And be kind and sweet and smile at ’em kids. No! I don’t do that sort of thing. I don’t pretend to like and love kids just to come off as a kind-hearted, gentle soul. I am not like you. I am 100% genuine and real. 🙂

I DON’T switch on the fan or switch it off

if its left on by some careless person who forgets to switch it off while exiting because he/she cannot understand the words “SWITCH OFF THE FAN WHEN NOT IN USE”. Most elevator fans either function extremely well or they simply don’t. Typical of most elevator fans. There is no such thing as medium normal breeze. There is often that special spot where the impact of the breeze is highest. This is another trait of an elevator fan. Its not democratic. It often serves just one person by directing all the breeze towards him or her. When I leave my hair untied its a disaster waiting to happen. My hair are frizzy and dry with a texture worse than an Indian broom. Even a minute long ride in that lift with the fan on full swing makes my hair go lunatic and I come out looking like one too. what? you thought I do that because I am a conscious citizen who cares about the environment and tries to conserve electricity as much as possible??? Bleh. No way! I am as selfish as you are. 😀

But my lift ordeal is soon going to be a thing of the past.

How? I have decided to ditch the lift and take the stairs at all times. what? Keeping in mind the social distancing measures? Yes! That’s right. Well, this is also a great opportunity to flaunt my sexy fitness levels. *hehe*. Now, its not my fault if that makes you feel less fit or lousy or something. Okay?

Oh BTW, do check out this short video about two people who find themselves in a slightly funny and lot more awkward situation in an elevator or lift (whatever to call it?)