the black bored

I bet a lot of you are looking for some cool New Year’s party ideas. To get more hits and trend better in the SEO rankings, I have decided to skip the other more urgent self-help topics and write about this one instead. Since its timely, and might be hot on Google’s search right now. What? No I did not do any keyword research to conclude this, its just my assumption. 😛

Just Drink and get High!

What else is there to New Year parties anyway. Those who scorn upon you and make you feel like shit are losers who don’t have the guts to down their guard and indulge in something little wild.

I mean c’mon. There is a reason December is often called the ‘party season’. What else can you do on the last day of the party month? Obviously party right? So?

DO NOT fall for anything other than this

Especially those ideas/plans that involve reflecting on what you have done or not done in the year (in our case even decade) gone by, and the things you plan to do in the upcoming year. What ya saying? This sounds like a good idea? Nope. Do you really think you can sum up the entire year’s trauma and hardship in just one day and reflect upon it on the very last day? Wait. Its not even a day, its one night (of party). So yeah. Its not fair.

Then there are those scams..

..that tell you to go on a quite retreat instead, away from all the “madness”.That’s marketing. They are either trying to send you on a guilt trip or make-you-feel-better-about-your-boring-choices-trip into booking that fancy-ish vacation resort on the hills or by a beach.

But let me tell you something. No matter where you go this party season, you are bound to hear loud music wafting somewhere in the distant. There is no escaping thaaat.

Then there are those

‘Netflix and chill and lay in your bed’ suggestions

That’s advertising too! That’s Netflix trying to cash in on your pity and petty sorrow. And that’s a horrible way of bringing in the New Year. Basically here , celebration is akin to being low on energy and smelling like dry sweat and still laying under the blanket and Netflix-ing and chilling. How is it more cooler and different than stomping or getting stomped on by just way too happy party goers at some club? Its not.

So get the hell out of there. And party! Like there is no tomorrow. Okay that’s optional.

But I know you are thinking that there is still one thing that beats all the above-mentioned(gosh. I hate this word) activities and seems totally legit.

Luxurious spa treatment

or something like that. Anything that involves pampering yourself to make you sexy AF. Don’t even think about this. This is sheer waste of money since you are not partying anyway. No one is going to compliment you, you loner.

I am saving the worst for the last fellas.

Remembering God

I have news for you. God is totally going to ignore you since you thought of him/her only on the last day of the year or even decade. what? You are a regular devotee? Oh in that case. I am sorry for just assuming that you are selfish and lazy. My apologies!

But the rest.

What’s your excuse losers?

Okay fine. I will cut you some slack. Whatever maybe the reasons for your strict adherence to lousiness, I still think there are better ways of getting through this thaingg then being jealous.

Have you all seen Mr. Bean? Right ? ( Grammar or punctuation Nazis I know this sentence is weird. But this is exactly how I want it to be. So y’all can go suck my *”#@ 😛🙊 ). Watch the episode where Mr.Bean throws a New Year Party. There is nothing sadder than that in the entire history of New Year parties. Seriously!

Lay in bed smelling like dry sweat but still wrapped in blanket and watch this episode. On loop. And feel better about yourself. If that doesn’t I don’t know what will work. 😔

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020!

HAPPY NEW DECADE 2020!