the black bored

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Don’t we all love travelling? Traditionally humans have always travelled in search of some higher truth. Travelers are special, one of a kind lost souls. Actually not that “one of a kind” since EVERYONE loves to travel. And click scenic pictures. And upload it to Instagram. Nope. Not Facebook. It’s sooo 2000s. Hmm..So not that. Having said that, Instagram is where travelers are and Facebook is where tourists are. I guess. :-/

But not me. I travel, i.e, if I do on the very rare occasions, I am a TOURIST. I love tourism. I love tourists. I love touristy places. Tourists are a unique breed. And this guide #2 will tell you how to be a different tourist and not a regular traveler.

What happened? Still not convinced? See, since almost everyone is a traveler these days, I suggest you don’t be one. Embrace tourism in order to truly stand out. Its a totally different feeling. Trust me.

The touristy lifestyle requires you to stop going on those weekend or one-day trips.

This is the classic traveler trait and must be avoided at all costs. Travelers tend to run away from their city lives and “take a break” at the drop of a hat. Every “extended weekend” is a glorious opportunity to make a beeline to a “gateway”. Gosh! Its so crowded out there. And YOU are a part of that crowd. An entire crowd of travelers. Isn’t it enough to make you anxious?? Generally, tourists pretty much stay at home on weekends. So stay at home and save your money. Tourists mostly go on one trip a year. What? No one is the magic number. Even two is too much.

Travelers	Tourists
Instagrammers	Facebookers
Love weekend gateways	Prefers to stay at home
Goes on multiple trips a year	One trip a year, at best
Loves offbeat destinations	Prefers simple “tourist” destinations
Goes Solo tripping	Family vacations
Mountains call them	Mountains never call them
A burden on mother earth	Eco-friendly
Quits corporate jobs	Keeps 9 to 9 corporate job
Unplanned trips	Package tours
Gets unexpected gifts	Gets chocolates

And while you choose a destination for your annual trip make sure its a TOURIST destination,

and not one of those OFFBEAT locales. Offbeat destinations are flocked by the travelers maaan. Its filled with them. Therefore, the touristy tourist destinations are #quite, #serene, #peaceful, #blissful #omg #insertmoresuchadjectives. No one visits these places other than rare tourists. So pounce on ’em folks.

Don’t even dare to go solo tripping haan.

Take your family with you. Pleasee. Solo travelling can be boring AF. Its another traveler trait. To begin with no one to click your pictures! You will end up clicking only bad selfies if you are solo. When you have company while traveling, you get hundreds of pictures clicked by multiple cameras. That’s a lot of variety. No? That, you will have to sift through all of those pictures to find that perfect picture for social media is a totally different matter though. 😀

And when you are with your family mountains won’t call you.

I promise. Its mostly travelers, wanderers, lost souls etc get called by mountains. So YOU the tourist don’t have to worry about putting yourself through the vomit inducing bus or car ride to these Indian mountain towns (I can’t comment on offshore mountain destinations as I have never set foot on any of those). You have the luxury to keep it simple. So keep it simple.

Speaking of mountains and their calls,

a lot of  solo travelers tend to be adventure travelers who tend to be eco UNfriendly travelers. How?
They zoom past innocent tourists roaming around Mall Roads on their queen sized Bullets or whatever bikes making that distinct phaytttt phathhtttt bdbdbdbdbdbdd sound. They are carefully tucked away beneath layers of sophisticated gear. Its expensive too, I guess! Those bikes, those gears, where exactly do you think it comes from? Surely, not from the moon. It is being manufactured somewhere right here on plant earth. Manufacturing factories create a HELL LOT OF waste. So while the adventure travelers take pride in being all nature loving and enjoy mother earth, mountains, clean air, flowing water, momos, maggies, suttas and maal. There is this other part of mother earth, where mountains are being cut open in order to carve out silky smooth highways that ultimately prove heavenly for the bikers, the air is unclean, the flowing water is turned to streaming gutter because its a dumpster for the factory waste. Sorry for sounding aggressive here but don’t be a burden on this planet earth and choose a selfless touristy lifestyle instead. Be good okay!

Yes. Touristy lifestyle is a thing. And package tours are an integral part of it. It lets you keep things simple as you don’t have to wrack your brains and waste your time in doing your own (internet) research.

Not to forget, tourists get to keep their 9 to 9 corporate jobs! YAAY!

Travelers on the other hand have to deal with the immense peer pressure of quitting their day or corporate or whatever jobs. They can’t be legit travelers if they insist on keeping their day jobs. They MUST quit their jobs to be a real REAL traveler! Trust me its not easy to deal with this pressure. 🙁 All the travelers I interviewed confirmed this.

So what do you think? Have I made this easy enough for you yet? You can thank me later. OR you can get me those small cute little chocolates or candies in case you pick a foreign destination for your next vacation. Feel free to create a lot of hullabaloo about your exotic vacation. Ask all your friends and family what would you like to get for them. Don’t leave anyone out. This is a good way to let everyone know that you are off to a vacation abroad! Make a list of everything they want. But when you return just hand them that cute little box of same-tasting-but-wrapped-in-a-different-wrapper-dark-looking-but-not-at-all-dark-tasting chocolates.They will be sooo delighted since it is so rare to find those chocolates in India. No? :-0

Bon Voyage fellas! 🙂